For you.

For one brief moment I see the truth.
For one small fragment of day they lies have quieted.
Lord I thank you for the pain.
For pain has saved my life.
And if I did not know pain, I would know too much of myself.
Heartache has brought me to you oh Lord and for that I am grateful.
Hope again is rising in me.
Knowing this hope, how can I be silent?
Knowing these truths how can I justify apathy?
All that I have ever done, all the trials, deep wounds in my heart, have all prepared me for this journey.
How can I waste my life on myself when I know I was made for saving lives?
A hero cannot waste their lives on the meaningless circumstances of time, they must see beyond the here and now and look at what people could be and not who they are.
Destiny must come forth.
We must be willing to run after it despite all costs.
I will fight the good fight.
I will finish the race.

I want to KNOW you.

These days I feel on the brink of something new. 

A new depth. A new skin or way of breathing. 

Everything is about to change.

In Matthew 7:21-23, Jesus is talking about how people will stand before him and say they did many things in His name and he will say be gone for I never KNEW you.  

I am so convicted by this. Do I really KNOW my savior? Does He really KNOW me? Do I take the time to figure out who is King of Glory is or do I just want to know his gifts? Do I just desire the Father's heart or what He can give me? 

I don't want to find out at the end of my days that I missed the whole point of living: To deeply know the Father's heart and His perfect will for my life.

What a prize. What a gain. To be complete here on this earth. My heart and soul groan for the emptiness in my heart to cease. To be complete with my love. This love is jealous. It wants my everything. All my hurt, brokenness, laughter, tears, joy and sorrow. I am so scared to let Him see all that. Jesus teach me to trust WHO you are, not what you do. I love you. Let me love you more.

Whatever it takes, I will seek you out.

I am not afraid of the fire if it brings me to you I will endure the pain.

Epic

Somehow life has to be epic. Am I wrong?
I have been so chaotically lost for so long that I no longer know what I want.
I need to be challenge. I need to feel the fire to become new. Right now I am shriveling up with hardly any strength left to become and do what must be done. Maybe I just need to wake up and realize I mean something now. My life HAS to mean something. I can't live life for myself. there has to be a purpose in all i do otherwise why am I alive? What purpose has He called me to here? He couldn't have just made me and then called me to be nothing.