Quote

"We will not build on the sand, but on the bedrock of the sayings of Christ, and the gates and minions of hell shall not prevail against us. Should such men as we fear? Before the whole world, yes, before the sleepless, lukewarm, faithless namby-pamby Christian world, we will dare to trust our God, we will venture our all for Him, we will live and we will die for Him,  and we will His joy unspeakable singing aloud in our hearts. We will a thousand times sooner die only trusting in our God than live trusting in man. And when we come into this position the battle is already won, and the end of the glorious campaign in sight. We will have the real Holiness of God, not the sticky stuff of talk and dainty words and pretty thoughts; we will have a masculine Holiness, one of daring faith and works of Jesus Christ.

 -C.T. Studd

"Ode" -Arthur O'Saughnessy

WE are the music-makers,
And we are the dreamers of dreams,
Wandering by lone sea-breakers,
And sitting by desolate streams;
World-losers and world-forsakers,	5
On whom the pale moon gleams:
Yet we are the movers and shakers
Of the world for ever, it seems.
With wonderful deathless ditties
We build up the world's great cities,	10
And out of a fabulous story
We fashion an empire's glory:
One man with a dream, at pleasure,
Shall go forth and conquer a crown;
And three with a new song's measure	15
Can trample an empire down.
We, in the ages lying
In the buried past of the earth,
Built Nineveh with our sighing,
And Babel itself with our mirth;	20
And o'erthrew them with prophesying
To the old of the new world's worth;
For each age is a dream that is dying,
Or one that is coming to birth.

Be on your guard, there are more fowler things then orks in the deep places.

So this week was quite interesting. My heart has just been devastated with being here. I am in such a new environment. Every aspect of me is being challenged to pursue excellence. I feel like I am kinda having withdrawals. Im so used to my life being the same thing over and over and over and over again. Now, none of what i do is the same.

I have realized this past week how much of my life is given over to the idol of food. When im sad, I eat. When I am happy, I eat. When I am any other emotion I eat!! I do not take these feelings to the Lord. How sad is that? Here I am on my knees crying out to Him for change and I don't even allow Him to the opportunity to know every part of me. The good, sad, and evil.

Sometimes, I feel as though I live in a day dream. I want to be on an epic adventure like Lord of the Rings or Narnia. I can at times feel a sword in my hand. I think I forget that those things are a carbon copy of the reality we actually live in. We are in a time of war, and the weapons are not physical. We fight on our knees. We fight with our worship. I am a warrior of worship! I realize some people may think I am unwise for not pursuing something of more "value" such as school or a better career, but would that profit me in the end? Nothing. I will have wasted my life pursuing myself instead of thinking of eternity. We have maybe 70 years to pour out and store up as much as we can in heaven until we pass. That's all the time we get and it determines our forever.

If I just understood my role. If i just knew with confidence who I truly was, everything would change. How much more effective would I be if I knew how the Lord saw me in His kingdom? I need to seek the Lord out on this. I don't think I believe how He sees me. I see myself as worthless, not good for anything, and a screw up. I reek with false humility. When will my day come? I just want to see Him. To really know who I am and what He was thinking when He made me.

I need to let the Lord make me new. I have been resisting change. Resisting His attempt to make me a new person. I am comfortable. I don't want to change. I know I need it though. Im just going along knowing I need to change but am not doing anything to make it happen. Gah! Flesh!

*My prayers for this week are continued healing for my foot. It is doing better but is not fully healed.
*A satisfied heart fully in Jesus.
*Peace.

Thank you all. More to come.:)

Diminishing

As always, this week has been so incredible. I can't describe in words what I am feeling. I have been from the bottom, to the top and every where in between this week.
It started off slightly discouraging. I found out my toe is broken and tomorrow I will go find out from the specialist what exactly is up with it. I cried at the doctors office about it. I am literally dancing 20+ hours a week and I have no time for a broken foot. But I kept going and said I wasn't going to let this get me down. God has brought me too far and done too much to let my heart despair now. The enemy can't have me and I will crush him by the authority given to me. Amen!:) So Im taping it pretty good and doing the best I can.

The Dance Revolution staff came in this weekend and we have had rehearsal every day. We learned parts of the production "Red" which the story of the prodigal son but with Wizard of Oz characters!!! You can't imagine how much of confirmation I received just from that. Today we got to see the entire production without all the fancy stuff added to it yet and wow! It already has so much anointing and power behind it!
The staff themselves have such a wonderful heart and their passion and excellence goes without words. I am so thankful to have the opportunity to learn from them. I want to be just like them and being around them these past few days has made me realize I have to do this the rest of my life. I have to be dancing for the Lord all my days. No job, money, house, family or material thing can sway me from this calling. It is what I was made to do. Now that I know this, I can run after it with full assurance that My God is going to provide all my needs.

The change in my heart this past week I can feel deepening. My love for the Lord has just been getting hotter. I see myself diminishing more and more every day and Him taking his true place. My anointing, passion, gifts, and talents are finally fusing together. I can't wait for all of my friends and family to see the fruit of this. They are going to be blown away:)

One of the things I have been struggling a lot with this week is a huge feeling of inadequacy.
Everyone in this program is so good technically and spiritually that I feel I am nothing. Also, I have been in such a place of leadership and out in front so long, i don't know how to function as a follower and in the back of everything. I know its good for me because it's definitely forcing me to check where my motives are in my dancing. Not going to lie its hard. I am excited to see God break this in me.

My prayer for this year is to obey Him in everything and look even more like Him after it all. ( check out this song by Lecrae:) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IiDOyQCCpKs )

Love you all and thank you so much for your prayers.:)
-Linia

First Week

So I said I would keep ya'll updated as best as I could on how life was going for me...and here is the first post.:)

Saturday I moved my life again to a new spot. I spent most of the weekend trying to put my room together the way I wanted it. My canopy and I had real trouble....but whatever;)
My beautiful guitar that all the cornerstoners signed for me is in its spot for all to see and is a constant encouragement to me.:)
Sunday morning we all went to Gateway (for me it was the first time) and it was such a solid place. The teaching was so convicting. -->check out "A tough day"-->http://gatewaypeople.com/sermons
I have a feeling I am really going to grow there. Still the weekend was pretty tough on my heart.
I have been having issues with my work schedule due to some human confusion error (and most likely puny attacks from the enemy) and it set a deep sense of fear and failure in my heart this week. Thankfully my work is going to help me out so that I can get out at a decent hour and be home by curfew.

Physically this week has been tough. We have class every day 9-1 and sometimes 2. My body has been in so much pain this week and I have had barely any time to rest due to the fact that I work tues-fri as soon as I finish with class. I hurt my back again so I have been really discouraged with my movement. >>>>So if you have time to pray for that, I would be most grateful!

Wednesday was a very interesting day for me. I had my first hip-hop class with Ryan Warren and he is a beast!!! I really hope to get better at it. It left me really frustrated with my ballet body:P Afterwards though we had an incredible time of worship together. All like minded people worshiping together was so powerful!! I know my Jesus is going to take me deep deep this year.
**(On a cool note I did wait on "The Jet" for the dallas mavericks on Wednesday!!)

I think a HUGE prayer request would be that I choose to listen to truth instead of letting myself go to my emotions for comfort. I have been dealing with intense feelings of loneliness and just feeling like Im not really striving for the best that I could become. I want to wake up the fact that i even EXIST that there is a purpose for ME. As I was praying tonight driving home I was pondering this with the Lord. There are so many people out there that He did create for on purpose so why aren't they? I feel like He said that He has made all of us with intentionality and purpose but we don't all CHOOSE Him. We choose ourselves instead. This breaks my heart. So few have stood firm. So few of my friends still know the truth. So few I once knew who had burning hearts ablaze for Him. They have grown cold, blind, and deaf. I weep for these. And ANGER burns deep in me against a defeated enemy they have let rule their lives. What would it take to wake them up??????? My heart grieves at the thought of not one day being with them in eternity. Never getting to be fully alive with them. I must do something. I HAVE to do something.

Jesus is going to do amazing things this year. I am going to be challenged beyond what I can see.
This year I will finally go from good to great.

I want to end this blog with a quote form Martin Luther:

"Faith is a living, daring confidence in God's grace, so sure and certain that a man could stake his life on it a thousand times."

Goodnight.

For you.

For one brief moment I see the truth.
For one small fragment of day they lies have quieted.
Lord I thank you for the pain.
For pain has saved my life.
And if I did not know pain, I would know too much of myself.
Heartache has brought me to you oh Lord and for that I am grateful.
Hope again is rising in me.
Knowing this hope, how can I be silent?
Knowing these truths how can I justify apathy?
All that I have ever done, all the trials, deep wounds in my heart, have all prepared me for this journey.
How can I waste my life on myself when I know I was made for saving lives?
A hero cannot waste their lives on the meaningless circumstances of time, they must see beyond the here and now and look at what people could be and not who they are.
Destiny must come forth.
We must be willing to run after it despite all costs.
I will fight the good fight.
I will finish the race.

I want to KNOW you.

These days I feel on the brink of something new. 

A new depth. A new skin or way of breathing. 

Everything is about to change.

In Matthew 7:21-23, Jesus is talking about how people will stand before him and say they did many things in His name and he will say be gone for I never KNEW you.  

I am so convicted by this. Do I really KNOW my savior? Does He really KNOW me? Do I take the time to figure out who is King of Glory is or do I just want to know his gifts? Do I just desire the Father's heart or what He can give me? 

I don't want to find out at the end of my days that I missed the whole point of living: To deeply know the Father's heart and His perfect will for my life.

What a prize. What a gain. To be complete here on this earth. My heart and soul groan for the emptiness in my heart to cease. To be complete with my love. This love is jealous. It wants my everything. All my hurt, brokenness, laughter, tears, joy and sorrow. I am so scared to let Him see all that. Jesus teach me to trust WHO you are, not what you do. I love you. Let me love you more.

Whatever it takes, I will seek you out.

I am not afraid of the fire if it brings me to you I will endure the pain.

Epic

Somehow life has to be epic. Am I wrong?
I have been so chaotically lost for so long that I no longer know what I want.
I need to be challenge. I need to feel the fire to become new. Right now I am shriveling up with hardly any strength left to become and do what must be done. Maybe I just need to wake up and realize I mean something now. My life HAS to mean something. I can't live life for myself. there has to be a purpose in all i do otherwise why am I alive? What purpose has He called me to here? He couldn't have just made me and then called me to be nothing.

Sponsorship

Thank you for your help! You have blessed me more than you know 

and I appreciate all you have done for me.

Blessings!

Linia Bernardy

On fairytales:)

"Only those who truly love and who are truly strong can sustain their lives as a dream. You dwell in your own enchantment. Life throws stones at you, but your love and your dream change those stones into the flowers of discovery. Even if you lose, or are defeated by things, your triumph will always be exemplary. And if no one knows it, then there are places that do. People like you enrich the dreams of the worlds, and it is dreams that create history. People like you are unknowing transformers of things, protected by your own fairy-tale, by love.”  - Ben Okri 

let us seal our love with butterflies and run away with them

You ask me "When did I loose you?" and I say "With each shift in the sand of our foundation. Grain by Grain  making a wall between us."

Im still waiting for the rain to fall. Pouring life down on me.

For I am a mystery. I am a locked room in a tall tower. Come rescue me

On dandelions and such

Today change rather caught up to me. For the past few years, things have been known. Things have been easy. I've known my path and what I was to do., but now on the eve of leaving TCC I find my self at a loss  as to what the next step is. How do you choose destiny? or does destiny choose you? The war on my heart and destiny is great and I don't want to be taken out. I want every choice, moment and action be glorifying and matter in the light of eternity. To hear those amazing words of affirmation "Well done, my good and faithful servant." With this idea, so much more should be done! This is such a huge weight and burden on my heart. With this idea, everything else is meaningless.
I was thinking about how dandelions would be the perfect mascot of change.
They are something pretty, and everywhere. They are born from death. When they die, they release life which is then carried by the wind to new places. Whether it be earth, tree, or rock. Change it would seem is the same way. It blossoms and for a while it is a lovely and beautiful thing to behold. As it dies and fizzles out of season, it turns into seeds. So those seeds can choose perhaps to release themselves when the wind blows and be taken to some other great place to take root and do it all over again, or it can die with the host and never go anywhere. In a way, if it chooses the path of the wind, it never really dies but reproduces change in multiple places. Kinda cool. I can either let myself stay where I am at, or go and be taken where the wind wishes and have life abundantly again. I don't know. Just something I was thinking about today.

I got to get out of here. What am I doing? walking dead? Just going because I don't want to be left behind? I feel sick. I need to breathe.

Do I really have what it takes? To risk it all and do what needs to be done to pursue my calling? I am so scared dead. Scared of being alone in it all. Is it really an option? To fear? Or is it just something that has to be done?

Make my feel alive...

If walls could talk, they would say I want you more. They would say hey, never felt like this before and you will always be the one for me.:) I love you Celin:)

Fully Alive

It is that day. The day my heart has so longed for. The day I am complete. 

The world has passed away. Love has triumphed. Evil is vanquished in sovereignty.

Planets and stars swirl, colliding until they form one brilliant light that suddenly I am enveloped in.

A flash surges and for a moment I am blinded. 

When my eyes clear in an instant, I am standing in the most breath taking place. 

Marvelous mountains surround me bursting with color and life. 

My bare feet caress warm earth and vibrant grasses between my toes. 

The mountains go on forever and I am in the middle of a dazzling field. 

I look at myself and find that i am glowing. 

Not from the sun or some stray star, but from the fire that burns within me.

Clothed in the purest white that comes not from color,

but from light and there are flower cut outs in my dress. 

Joy defines my face. 

Suddenly I am romanced. 

The music begins to play. 

A swarm of butterflies rush through and by me increasing my joy. 

The wind they leave behind dances all around me. 

I begin to chase after them. 

I am lighter then air for I have no burdens to bear. 

As I run I begin to twirl and spin letting the wind touch my skin and blow through my hair. 

I know that I am free. 

Suddenly, I see my beloved. 

He is here! 

I loose my breath at the sight of Him. 

At His nearness. I have been waiting a life time for this moment. 

This moment when all walls and obstacles I had faced were no longer remembered. 

This is the moment when I see His face.

His eyes catch mine and the light that dwells there is quickly blazing in mine. 

He comes close and puts a flower in my hair and at last those words are spoken, 

"You are beautiful. 

You are mine beloved and I love you with an everlasting love that spans from before time to eternity.

We shall never be parted." 

He takes my hand and we walk to still stream where we drink deeply and are refreshed.

As we walk on, we come to a clearing. 

One by one more people begin to appear and 

suddenly I realized that all who had walked with me during my days were there! 

Alas my heart leapt again! 

Not only was I to spend eternity with my Beloved, 

but all those who belonged in my heart and had been through the fire with me.

They had passed the test. 

They had been faithful. 

Sadly, faces I remembered from my days were not here. 

They had not passed the test. 

They had fallen away and my heart wept deeply for them for I would be parted from them forever. 

Then my Beloved comforted me and told me not to despair for all that could be done had been done. 

We walked together to greet the others and began to dance. 

For a great celebration began like none other and never ended. 

I was finally whole. 

I was finally complete.

I was finally free. 

This is my heart fully alive. 

I 'm not ready for this...

Our time is running out...

The club can't even handle me right now. I see you watching me I go all out:)

Sorrow drips into you heart through a pin hole. Just like a faucet that leaks and there is comfort in the sound.

...

Saw that look again today. Haven't seen it in quite a while. My heart shook. Never want to see it again...

On gravity

      

 I was thinking tonight on the song "Gravity" by Sara Bareilles, and it kinda cuts me deep. I started thinking about all the things whether people, places, situations or choices that I am freely bound to. "Kept without touch or chains". Im not bound physically by chains, Im not bound emotionally by touch. Im just bound. Choosing to stay put and in place and never to escape. How many other things could I be doing if I was bound to these things? This twisted addiction leaves me breathless, pale, sedated. Treading lonely. All these stupid things latching on to me like leaches expecting me to give them life as they take it from me. I need to be me...not sucked into someone else's gravity or lifestyle. Not dependent on someone else's personality to be strong. What would it take to truly break away from society "gravity" and be honest with who I really am. Every part of me. 

        I think its time to "try defying gravity". ;) "Though accepting limits because someone says they are so. Some things I cannot change, but till I try I'll never know." 

Its probably the greatest risk we will every take: to allow Christ to be fully Himself by us being fully ourselves. 

        How scary is this? We are such a flawed people. I know I am. I can't do anything right. I can't spell or punctuate well. I can't dance right, point my toes or turn out. I can't keep my food down without wanting to throw it up. I can't think pure thoughts. I am selfish. I care only about me. I don't see my family enough. I don't serve enough. I seek my own glory. When will it stop? When will it end? When will I see the hopelessness defer? It makes my heart sick. This bride says come Jesus. My heart and soul longs to be complete. The longing rages in me to be whole that only You can fill. Come Jesus. I need to be in Your gravity...

Jar of Hearts

LOVE this choreography. so powerful

Falling Slowly...

Take this sinking boat and point it home we've still have time...I just love this so so much...

Stationary

All around me life is passing me by reminding me again of the stationary life I have drunkenly chosen.

I want to be free!

I want to be free!

Did I choose this? 

Subtly over time become anchored to normalcy? 

When did I become blind? 

When did I loose sight?

Its like a disease lying dormant, never knowing its there but all the time draining life out of you.

I want to be free!

I want to be free!

Now Im stage four walking dead.

Stuck in the mire, trying to move forward but its weight pains every step.

Never knowing when I will fall but all the time stumbling.

The mire defines me, caked to every inch of skin.

I want to be free!

I want to be free!

All around me...

I want to run away to Alaska and live in the mountains.

"When you walk away, I count the steps that you take..."

Revealing

Glow

I was thinking today as i was driving home from work, how long it had been since I had last seen the sun. The past few days have been interesting. Full of laziness and disappointments with a few scary moments of my car fish tailing and watching idiots try to drive on the roads. Its funny how the sun can completely cheer you up in an instant. Over the past few years, influences have said to me they love the rain more then sunlight, now I have been so very puzzled by this for many years! I tried to love it more. I tried to understand. Now don't get me wrong, there is something quite sobering and deep that happens when it rains (especially summer rain), but today I think I realized for the first time as I saw the sun break through and defeat winters grip how much I love the sun! I was reminded of the Narnia symbolism of the White Witch keeping it always winter and Aslan bringing with him sweet spring. What joy must they have felt. To see green. To see life. To hear songs, and smell sweet breezes. To dance in fields and roll in grass. Feel the cool wet earth between your toes and tingling on bare skin. I don't know what it is but I crave the sun like a morning glory bursts at its touch. It touches the depth of my heart and releases such emotion I cannot help but feel free! Complete in a way, like I need not one more thing to be whole. I almost cannot put it into words and I am grasping for them even now. <Kinda makes me feel like this:) (click me!)> It makes me so thankful for the day when Jesus returns and all will radiant because of His glory and the beauty that will unfold from that light.

Dream...

My favorite song...

A fighting dream

But there is suffering in life, and there are defeats. No one can avoid them. But it's better to lose some of the battles in the struggles for your dreams than to be defeated without ever knowing what you're fighting for.”- Paulo Coelho

How this is so very true. I feel like half the time I don't know what Im fighting for. Im fighting for a dream, but what is my dream? I have them yes, but I feel like I have this shotgun approach to them. Im not whole heatedly there pursuing all my dreams. Perhaps because I am so spread out with all of them I don't know. All I know is Im not living my dream. I feel like so many things hold me down, but then I just feel selfish and ungrateful for all that I have. I know I have dream...sometimes though I think they are a figment of my imagination and I am just like every other person who had dreams but gave up because they never happen. I don't know I guess we will see.